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| Not the real button that mocked me! |
There it was staring at me from its position on the stage of which I sat directly in front. The third button up on the speaker’s blouse was open exposing a small part of her belly, and I couldn’t stop staring at the button. It was like it laughed at me reminding me of my perfectionist fears. For weeks now, the Lord has been working on perfectionism issues in my life, and here was this imperfect thing ‘laughing’ at me to ‘say’ two things: you can’t stop looking at all the imperfections just like everyone else and your imperfections will ruin God’s use of you for His glory.
For a few minutes my eyes kept going back there wondering if I could gracefully let the speaker know to fix it, and then I realized it was not her problem (she didn’t know it had happened) but mine because I couldn’t stop looking. Meanwhile, she was doing a really good job at speaking on ‘discipline and self-control: a journey in excellence not perfection.’ Yes, that was really her topic, very appropriate for where I am in my journey right now! Still, that little button mocked me from its place on the stage and I realized I was allowing this stupid, little imperfection to ruin, obviously important things for me to hear. Determined to completely stop looking at the imperfection, I focused on the speaker’s face, and every time I heard ‘just look to see if it’s still there’ I refused, and eventually it stopped bothering me altogether.
However, the other issue still remained. I’ve known for many years of a particular calling God has on my life and didn’t really know when it would begin. Lately, it ‘feels’ like it could be just around the corner, and the Lord has been working hard in my life to clean up a lot of things like perfectionism, (see post Oct. 16,17) but one of my major concerns remained: if I am in the public eye and something is wrong/ not perfect or I say or do something wrong/ not perfect, then it will ruin what God is doing.
There are two things wrong with this thinking, three at least. One, I am not perfect- no one but God is, yet He still wants to use us. Two, to allow this thinking to stop me from doing what He wants is a lack of trust in Him and that He will work all things out for good. Three, God can still move and do a great work even where imperfection exists. This was proven to me as the speaker ¾ of the way through found the problem, corrected it very publicly using it to laughingly illustrate her message, and then finished up, and I realized that God had surely used this woman AND her imperfections for His glory to help us all to grow- especially me.
What a release that was in my spirit! If I just allow Him, God can use me imperfect as I am, and He’ll make sure that the imperfections won’t get in the way of His glory. I needed to have that proven to me, and the Lord used a beautiful lady with a really good message to demonstrate it right before my eyes. So that button that seemed to mock me was relegated to inconsequential, but the lesson learned has changed me for the better- forever. Thank You Lord for the wonderful and sometimes strange ways You have for helping us grow.
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might… Ec. 9:10 (all NKJV)
…whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1Cor. 10:31
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Eph. 2:10
Walk in excellence, but leave the perfect to Jesus!
PS.
if you check the meanings of the words ‘perfect’ in the Bible,
you get complete and mature, not without any mistake!!!)